Choices, Part 1

Benjamin Franklin did something quite remarkable early in his adult life that made him the great man that he was in history.  I read recently that Franklin noticed that he had difficulty getting along with people; he argued too much, and he had trouble making and keeping friends.  At age 20, keenly aware of what he believed were his own character defects that hindered him, he determined to do something about it. 

He made a choice: He chose to examine his own personality, list what he considered undesirable personality traits, and do something about them.  He then selected 13 virtues he wanted to enhance in his life that he believed would help him become a better person. The virtues he aspired to enhance were:

1. To be temperate, especially in the consumption of food and alcohol.

2. To practice silence and to speak only words that benefit others.

3. To live an orderly life.

4. To resolutely do what ought to be done.

5. To practice frugality.

6. To work diligently and manage time well.

7. To be sincere and honest.

8. To do what is right and just.

9. To be moderate in all things.

10. To practice cleanliness.

11. To remain tranquil and calm, particularly in situations that cannot be avoided.

12. To practice sexual constraint.

13. To learn humility by imitating the figures of Jesus and Socrates.

Though these sound very much like SJ strengths, other temperaments can certainly possess them too.  However, the SJ is often identified by such strengths.

It was not because Benjamin Franklin was an SJ that made him great though.  It was his choices that made him great!  He chose to develop the strengths that he was given at birth and to use them to become a better person and to help his country and his fellow man.

Suppose he had not made the choice to develop this list of strengths.  He would not have become the admired and respected diplomat that he became.  People would not have looked up to him or chosen him to represent them.  France would not have responded to him positively and probably would not have helped the young nation that was emerging.  What effect did his choice for his own life have on the history of America?

Your choices about your life may not affect the world to the extent that Franklin’s did (although they might), but they will certainly affect YOUR life.

Wishing won’t make it so, but your choice can.  How is your life going right now?  Is there anything that needs changing?  I know there are areas in my life that need work.  Recognizing our needs is the first step, just as it was for Ben Franklin.  The next step is the one that will make the difference.  One good decision could change everything. 

The choice is yours.

Discover your strengths.  A great aid to that discovery and to developing your strengths is INNERKINETICS — Your Blueprint to Excellence and Happiness.

Stubborn Determination: SJs

Biographies and autobiographies are very interesting to me.  It must be something about the reality of someone’s life — how they lived, what struggles they encountered, and how they made it through that appeals to my SJ way of relying on the past.  There is something very encouraging about hearing the difficulties, which are often greater than any I have faced, and celebrating a person’s survival.  Funny thing: the people who share the stories I have read never complained.  They always felt that they were better for having gone through their trials.

Louis Zamperini, the hero of Unbroken (movie and book), in his book Don’t Give Up, Don’t Given In, tells of how much he wanted to win a mile race.  He had watched the 1934 NCAA Track and Field national championships in Los Angeles when Glenn Cunningham raced against Bill Bonthron in the mile.  Cunningham had already run an indoor 4:08:04 mile and had an outdoor time of 4:09.8.  He was about 8 seconds behind Cunningham — a long distance in a mile race.  Cunningham was his hero because Louis had read the story of how Cunningham had been severely burned as a child in a fire that had killed his older brother.  He had lost a great deal of flesh and all the toes on his left foot.  He was burned on both legs and up to the middle of his back.  Doctors gave him little chance of walking again, let alone running.  

“Cunningham epitomized resilience and resolve,” wrote Zamperini and he described how Cunningham had massaged his legs to stimulate blood flow, endured physical therapy and willed himself to stand, then walk, and finally to run.  Cunningham’s efforts and sacrifices inspired Zamperini and says he knew of no story as compelling as Cunningham’s.

Cunningham lost that 1934 race to Bonthron and Louis Zamperini determined that someday he would get that record back for Cunningham.

Louis got his chance in 1938 when he raced for USC in the NCAA championships.  His coach told him the night before that the opposing team coaches were going to tell their milers to do “anything they can to knock [Louis] out of the race.”  The runners did as Louis’ coach had predicted: cursed Louis, ran their spikes through his little toe, gashed Louis’s right and left shins, elbowed him in the ribs - and cracked one when Louis tried to pass.  In the last 120 yards, the other runners loosened up because they thought their leader was far enough ahead. Louis took advantage, fighting through the pain, and turned it on to win the race and establish a new record of 4:08:03 that stood for 15 years!  What a finish!

Newspapers the next day showed in photos the extent of how he’d been beat up, but the real story was that, according to Louis, his “persistence, perseverance, and unwillingness to accept defeat when things looked all but hopeless were part of the very character traits [he] would need to make it through World War II alive.”  The rest is history.  His story is one of a real hero!

In Louis’s own words: “Of course, you don’t have to live through a war to have those qualities work for you every day.  Sometimes a day in the office or raising kids is just as challenging.”

His story inspires me!  Whatever you are going through today, just remember that what you need is to find the way to get through it.  Getting through it will be a WIN!  And the character you build in the process will be what you need to find the way to win the next battle you face!  Life is about building and building takes work in the form of persistence and perseverance — something a lot of people describe in us SJs as “stubborn determination.”  So be it!

Joy Defeats Fear!

Joy defeats fear!  Did you know that?  The two cannot co-exist, and joy is the trump card!  Think about it.  Have you ever felt fear when you were full of joy?  Joy is the overcomer.  The challenge is to find that joy.  How can we do it?

According to Maria von Trapp’s song in The Sound of Music, “…when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad.”  She “sang” her list of favorite things:  

“...raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mitten, wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings, girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes, silver white winters that melt into springs...”  

According to Maria, these were her favorite things and they brought her joy when things got tough.

What makes you smile?  What brings you joy?  Make a list!  It will do your “JoyBox” good!  Begin right now.  I’ll help you along by sharing some of mine.  Perhaps these will remind you of some you need to recall.

• A kiss from my husband
• The laughter of a baby
• The first flowers that open outside our door in the spring
• The smell of the lilac trees when in full bloom
• Hiking beside a stream in the mountains where I can hear the water flowing well
• Sunlight or moonlight sparkling on snow
• The first bluebirds that arrive in the spring
• The return of the song birds every spring and their sound throughout the summer
• Lambing season — nothing prettier than lambs in the green paddocks in the spring
• Baby ducklings and goslings as they swim or waddle behind their parents to explore their new world
• The sound of rain
• Talking to my granddaughters or watching them play
• The smell of ozone in the air after a thunderstorm
• Morning sun on frosted trees and shrubs
• Rainbows
• The sound of children at play
• Wind symphonies in the Ponderosa Pines
• Sunlight (or moonlight) dancing on a river
• Hummingbirds feeding from flowers or feeders or zipping by
• A full moon
• The smell of a damp forest

These are a few of my favorite things, and the “joy” of them all is that although not one costs a penny, they all bring me joy.  Thinking of them dispels my fears.

So what is on your list?

Motherhood and Grandmother-hood -- Both Joyful Experiences

As a child and teen I envisioned my future as a wife and mother.  Never was there any other career or occupation in my imagination.  That’s pretty typical for SJs.  We are all about family, hearth, and home.  However, I never got beyond the vision of wife and mom to grandparent.  My mind could not imagine that far.  Such a pity!  It limited the joy I was able to experience in my imagination then.  (Teens don’t usually look forward to being that “old,” do they?)  

Ray says he enjoys every experience he plans three times: first, when he imagines and plans the event; again when he experiences it and, finally, in his memory.  

Imagination can bring great joy!  Once I became the mother of adult children, though, my imagination began again and I began to enjoy imagining the times and experiences that I would share with my children as they became parents and with my grandchildren when they arrived.  There is a saying that “grandchildren are your reward for being parents” or something like that.  It’s true!

Now that I have 4 beautiful granddaughters, I get to experience that great honor of being a grandmother.  The joy is multiplied by knowing that these little ones will be loved so deeply for the rest of their lives.

I’ll make the best of this experience as I practice Ray’s routine:  enjoying as I plan my visits with them, living the visits, and remembering them!

Joy is always greater when shared.  Thanks for allowing me to share mine with you!

Rules and Non-Rules — SJs Are the Rule Keepers!

If there is a rule, SJs “usually” follow that rule — even to the extent of following a lot of “non-rules.”  You are probably very familiar with a lot of these non-rules and possibly follow them yourself without even thinking about them.

What non-rules could those be?  There’s a cute new book that was just released called penquins can’t fly + 39 other rules that don’t exist.  (Did you notice there are no capitals in the title?)  In this provocative little book, jason kopecki (he doesn’t even use initial caps for his name on the front) urges us to overcome these “non-rules,” reminding us that “following the rules is an excellent way to fit in and avoid being questioned, laughed at or scorned.  But it’s not a particularly effective way of living an amazing story.”

As an SJ, my urges are to follow rules, to fit in, to “lead by example” as a conformer to the “rules.”  Without doubt, there are rules that are made for good reason and should be adhered to.

Adherence to rules and maintenance of order in society are SJ strengths.  However, we tend to burden ourselves (and others) unnecessarily with rules that are really not rules at all but simply tendencies to “over conform” and impose “non-rules” on others.  This is an overuse of our strengths, thus creating a weakness.

I love the sign (which you have probably seen many times) that I first saw in Jackson, Wyoming many years ago in a fudge shop:  “Eat dessert first!  Life is so uncertain.”

This is an example of breaking a “non-rule.”  How many times have you been told you MUST eat dessert last!  The reason: if you eat it first you won’t eat the food that will best nourish your body.  That is a good reason for this “non-rule,” but sometimes it would be best to break that rule.  Example: You are dining out and everything is so very good (and probably full of fat and calories)?  Would that be a good time to break the rule?  Consider: Is it better to 1) enjoy the meal and then add on that wonderful dessert; 2) try to guess your satiety point and stop there to add dessert, possibly departing the restaurant feeling a bit over full and having receive less enjoyment out of the wonderful dessert you had so looked forward to; or 3) eat dessert first and fully enjoy it, then eat what you feel like of the main meal and get a “to-go box” for what remains.  You depart feeling very happily satisfied and comfortable, having totally enjoyed all of the meal you wanted and with “special food” ready to warm for a quick meal at another time.  Hey! I like the last one, even if I am an SJ!

So, is it really necessary for your socks to match? Must we always “act our age?” (Jason Kotecki has labeled this “adultitis.”  Clever!)  He poses the question: How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?  What age would you choose?

Here are a few of the “non-rules” he addresses in his book that I intend to try to “opt out” of:

• Thou shalt let others define thy success.
• Thou shalt clean thy plate.
• Thou shalt be realistic.
• Thou shalt hide thy weirdness.
• Thou shalt not be ridiculous.
• Thou shalt care what other people think.
• Thou shalt wait for permission.
• Thou shalt go it alone.
• Thou shalt always be careful.
• etc. #notarule

Thomas Edison’s genius came from breaking some non-rules.  Where would we be without the man who said, “H_ _ _, there are no rules here. We’re trying to accomplish something.”

Best of all, I like Mark Twain’s instruction: “Life is short. Break the rules. And never regret anything that makes you smile.”

Have a joyful July and eliminate some “non-rules” from your agenda!

If you are viewing this blog, you have been one of those who have become the "wind beneath our wings" to lift us from a trough of despair.  Thanks for your letter in support of Ray to stop the deportation proceedings.

We are overwhelmed at the outpouring of support that has come.  We did not send word to "everyone" on our list of contacts because we did not want to be presumptuous.  Many of you have passed the information on to people you knew would want to help and many have responded.  Each of the letters we have received has been an encouragement beyond description.  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

We'll attempt to keep you informed by posting here as significant things happen in the process, and we are hoping that there will be few posts over a short period of time.  If the evidence we have sent and your wonderful letters persuade the prosecutor to terminate the proceedings, that is the best we can hope for and we will be sending good news -- hopefully soon.  That is the reason for the haste in getting your affidavits:  to dissuade the prosecutor from proceeding and to end this quickly.  Had we waited and allowed it got into the system due to our delay, the chances of our prevailing also would be reduced because of the way the law is written.

However, if he maintains that he will keep the case open and proceed to hearing, this may take months or even years to come to closure.  We appreciate your prayers during this most stressful time.

We are forwarding you letters as we receive them, but we do not know where the prosecutor stands as we are writing this.  We'll try to update this blog weekly or more often if significant events occur.  Check back any time you want information.  The latest will be posted here.

Ah! The Joy In Christmas Traditions!

It’s an SJ thing for sure, but NFs often enjoy traditions too. For the SPs and NTs, it may be a mixed bag, depending on their upbringing and experiences. Since both SPs and NTs like to “do things their way” or “do things differently,” it may mean that their “tradition” is to “do Christmas” differently or in a different place each year. Still, that is a tradition even if it is done in the SP or NT fashion.

Back to the SJ-NF way of celebrating for a moment though. At our house, we began when the children were very small to collect an ornament for each of us each Christmas. When the children became adults and had their own homes, they received all their collection to begin their own Christmas tree. We continued the tradition of collecting ornaments and we can truly say that our Christmas tree is “our lives on a tree.” Each ornament has a special significance:READ MORE