Sometimes "Easy" Just Requires Motivation

Easy!  When what I must do is “easy,” life seems easy.  However, some things are hard to do and, also, necessary.  It is often hard (especially for SJs) to learn new ways, new methods, new concepts, new skills.  We tend to retreat from “change” of just about any sort, but I have learned that it brings joy to progress from the “new” stage to the “easy” stage.  Have you ever noticed that everything is easy — when you know how?

Being a senior citizen in this age of high tech is daunting.  Even preschoolers can do things on a computer that I can’t seem to do, but “it’s easy when you know how.”  I must remember that.  Everyone has to begin somewhere, and beginning is the hard part.  You must begin so that you can progress to easy.

What have you wanted to do that you have never done because it was hard?  Did you want to learn to play a musical instrument?  What about develop your creativity through graphic arts of some sort -  oil painting, watercolor, etc?  Have you wanted to learn how to ride a horse?  Garden? Use a bow and arrows?  Do ceramics? Learn another language?

How much joy would it give you to find that what you have longed to do is “easy”?  

One Christmas past, at the request of my daughter, I created Christmas stockings for two little girls who she hoped to adopt as her own.  Nothing would have pleased me more than to fulfill that request for my own daughter.  

I know how to sew, but I had no pattern, no instructions, and wanted to created something unique for these very special little ones whose lives got off to a rough start.  I’m no artist, but I began.  I was pleased with the outcome.  However, had I not begun, there would have been no pleasure, no joy of accomplishment.  Because I tried and persevered through the task — planning the design, selecting the materials, figuring out each step as needed — I experienced the joy of granting my daughter’s request and the joy of giving to these precious children.  When the job was done, I found that it had, after all, been “easy.”  

Sometimes “easy” just requires the motivation to follow through.  The result is joy!

The Diamonds Outside My Window

A smile spreads across my face as I look outside my window.  The ground is covered in "diamond dust." Well, it might as well be real diamonds for the wealth I experience when I see it.  I've always enjoyed the clear skies after a fresh snowfall because of the glistening lights reflecting from the snowflakes that blanket the ground.  And then I recall...

A few years ago, Ray and I celebrated our birthdays (which are four days apart) in Leadville, Colorado at a restaurant that is in a yurt.  The experience required snowshoeing or cross country skiing to the yurt and out again.   Okay, so some of you don't find that idea appealing. But IT WAS FANTASTIC!

We went in during the daylight.  It was early in the snow season so we were fortunate to be the only diners that night.  We had the place to ourselves and our own private chef.  The food was great!

The most wonderful adventure was the trip out after dinner.  By that time, darkness had fallen, but the skies were clear and the moon was full.  If you've ever experienced a ski trail on a snowy, moonlit night, high in the Rocky Mountains, you have some idea what kind of magic we enjoyed!  The "diamonds" were glistening everywhere.  The ground, of course, held a thick blanket of snowy diamonds.  The fir and spruce trees were also laden with snow and their branches glistened as well.  It was wonderfully quiet as we shushed our way along the trail, enjoying the evening to its fullest extent, traveling through a wonderland of lights from moon, millions of stars, and the "diamonds" that adorned every surface.

It's fun to remember that experience.  It set me to thinking.  As an SJ, I thrilled to the experience from all the senses and experienced a feeling of luxury and wealth.

What would someone of the SP temperament enjoy from the experience?  Perhaps it would be an invitation to play and perhaps to race a partner to the destinations at each end of the trail.

What of an NT?  Would they relish the thoughts that they had as they considered how all this came to be and the scientific facts that produced such a display?

And then there's the NF experience.  I can see through the NF's eyes the beckoning of the lights to experience the romance, to wonder at what it must have been like for the early pioneers when this was a wilderness, and perhaps to ponder what would have been his or her own feelings as a pioneer in that day.  The NF would search for how those thoughts might give meaning to his or her life today.

Each temperament would find joy in the same experience, although each would enjoy it differently. The experience would produce emotions in each — different, but wonderful emotions!

What thoughts might you have and what emotions would the experience produce for you?

The Golden Rule Revisited

Any discussion of relationships, understanding, and emotional intelligence usually touches on the Golden Rule at some point.  Typically it is restated as “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  So what does that mean?

If I am an individual who loves to have people around me, go to parties and events where there are crowds of people and interact with perfect strangers readily, then I should treat others in a friendly, gregarious manner and as though they enjoy that too, right?  That’s the way I like to be treated!  

Well, if I do that, you know as well as I do that I’m apt to be avoided by some people and thought to be an “in your face” type of person.  So, how do I correctly interpret the Golden Rule?

Making an effort to think of the wishes of the other person is the first step.  But we really need to understand the other person to know how to treat them by this rule.

What I really want is for others to treat me “like I want to be treated.”  So, I need to treat others “like THEY want to be treated.”  Isn’t that a more accurate interpretation of the words?  I think that is what the Golden Rule really meant.  

This is where real emotional intelligence comes into play.  We need self-understanding as well as an understanding of others.  To honor our InnerKinetics (our core drives and urges that make us who we are) and their InnerKinetics is the essence of carrying out this rule.  We are all created wonderfully, but differently.  

So what’s this got to do with JOY?  Have you thought of what a joyful world this would be if everyone honored each other in this way?  I know this is idealistic, but so is world peace.  We all want world peace!  What better way to start than to honor every human being as a wonderful creation and treat them as they would want to be treated.  When others treat you like you want to be treated, does it not bring you joy?

How about setting a goal for each day to make an effort to understand one person of your choice to the extent that you can treat them with regard to one thing in the way they want to be treated.  One day, one person, one thing about them — understand and treat them according to how they want to be treated in regard to that one thing.   Treat them that way and share the results.

Go on now.  Go out and create joy!  For both of you!  I’d be willing to bet that it will give you joy to accomplish this, even if only for one day and one person.  And if you succeed, I KNOW it will bring that person joy.

At the Beginning and at the End of Each Day

Hanging on the wall in my husband's office is this small tile:

[In case it is difficult for your to read, it says:

Good Morning!

This is God. I will be handling all your problems today.  I will not need your help.  So, relax and have a good day.  - San Xavier - Tucson, Arizona]

It's a good reminder, particularly for those of us who are of the SJ temperament. We tend to worry — a lot.  It's good to have a reminder like this around — for ME!  I must remind myself often not to worry.

Jesus taught:
"... do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

And how much pleasure in life do we lose when we are worrying about things that never happen or things we cannot control?

If I work like it all depends on me and trust as though it all depends on God, everything turns out well.  It's true!  It's the trusting part that is the clincher, so listen up.

Here's Ray's followup to the inscription on that tile:

"Good Evening!
This is God.  Many of your problems did not turn out the way you wanted them to.  Search for the meaning and purpose in the way they did turn out.  
Good Night."
- Ray Lincoln -
Littleton, Colorado


So here's the trusting part.  When things don't work out as "I" had planned, I try to remember to look for the miracle.  Miracles are only identified in hindsight.  So if I am trusting the One to cares the most for my welfare, there WILL be a better outcome than the one I had in mind.  The outcome may even be miraculous!

Choosing a Mate Requires Understanding

A couple of signs hang in our home.  They read:

A happy home is where both mates feel they got better than they deserved.

Happiness is being married to your best friend.

Both of us feel that way.  Our relationship began as a friendship and has continued that way.  Both of us feel very fortunate to have each other.  We admire the qualities in each other that we lack in ourselves.

How did you go about making your selection of your mate?  Did you seek advice from parents, magazines, websites, movies, friends?

There is an abundance of questionable advice on “how to attract a mate” these days.  Unfortunately, people are taking the advice, which is often questionable, and the result is failed marriages.  The divorce rate is astounding in our country today.

My advice regarding just one aspect of a relationship: 

♥ Joy comes from being your best self, the wonderful person that you are created to be, and everyone is created wonderfully.  Be your true self!

♥ When you are not happy with yourself, you are seldom happy with others. Successful guidance and advice comes from encouraging a person to develop the strengths and person they have been designed to be. 

♥ When advice that does not take this into consideration is followed (even when the  process achieves the immediately sought result), the end result is unhappiness and disatisfaction.    We should not become someone we are not in order to win the attention of a targeted mate.  We cannot continue the masquerade consistently and remain happy.   

♥ We are the best mate when we are truly the person we were created to be. The best mate for each of us is the mate who appreciates us for who we really are.  

♥ Society has so glorified “coupling” that the reason for it has been lost.  The two are to become one.  Each is not to lose his or her own identity.  But the two temperaments should be so complementary of each other and appreciative of each other’s strengths that they balance each other, thereby creating a completed individual.  Their strengths fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzel.  Perhaps that is why we see so many SJ-NF unions in society.  These two temperaments balance (complement) each other very well. 

♥ The only way to accomplish such a successful mating is for each partner to be truly who each is and to encourage each other in that endeavor.  Be your true self!

♥ It all boils down to one ingredient.  The ingredient that is missing in successful relationships, then, is understanding — of the other person and of ourselves.  With understanding, our goals will be right and our relationships will be right.  There is real joy in understanding.

♥♥♥  Therefore, get understanding.  ♥♥♥ 

The Joys of Living In Your Own Strengths

Have you ever watched children as they mimic their friends in an effort to be like someone else? Often, the result is not pretty.  They become irritable and often get into battles with the sibling or the peer they are trying to emulate.  Even when they do succeed in such an impersonation, they do so only to their great disappointment.  Why?

The answer lies in the truth of temperament. We cannot change who we really are.  We can "try on" another's personality, but it will not "fit" — like clothes that are too tight, shoes that are too short, a hat that is too big. The personality does not feel good or look good, and the result is a feeling of discomfort and feeling conspicuously different.

  

Recently I observed a little girl (an ISFJ) whose older sister is an ISFP.  The temperaments are strikingly in opposition to each other although three of the letters of their type are identical.  The J and the P create a stark contrast.

The ISFP, who is older in this case, is what her temperament strengths display as joyful, exciting, bold, daring, a risk taker, one who wants freedom and constant new experiences, and wants to make an impact on observers with her antics and appearance.

The younger ISFJ has strengths of responsibility (which opposes risk), a guardian of the rules of society and tradition, an organizer who likes a routine that means today is much like yesterday.

As is often the case, the younger child tries to copy what the older sibling does, so this little ISFJ tried her hand at attracting attention by following her sister into a risky maneuver.  Less agile than her sister, she was unsuccessful in her risky move, sustained an injury and embarrassed herself in front of those she was attempting to "impress."  The result was not only pain from an injury, but the pain of feeling a failure.  She did not feel any thrill from the risky move and no fulfillment from experiencing the joy of just daring to do it.  Her little heart was hurt, and she became irritable and upset.  Her need, at that moment, was to be assured that she was wonderful for who she really is, and that she need not try to be like her sister.    

Although her ISFP sister was also unsuccessful in her attempt at the maneuver, she was laughing and joyous just for having made the attempt, and she was quickly off to her next bold move, feeling that she had made an impact on the observers because she was rewarded by the shock and surprise on their faces at what she had attempted to do. 

To feel the fulfillment of our strengths, we must live within them and develop them, rather than try to climb into the role of someone else's strengths.  Our joy comes from appreciating who we are and being the best of who we are.

For my own experience, it has been a release to find that I am not as odd as I have always felt.  I am an ISTJ. (I know.  "That explains a lot!" you may think, facetiously, to your self. )  That "I" represents only 25 percent of the population, so we (the “Is”) are in the minority.  Society is made for the "Es" (the extroverts), so introverts feel out of place.  I never felt comfortable in a role that put me in the midst of strangers for long periods or required that I be in crowds.  Nor was I comfortable in the "limelight," so when I put myself in such a setting (particularly as an awkward teen), I was very uncomfortable and often irritable.  

It is not that introverts don't like to be around people.  SJs are a very social temperament. It is just that when our batteries are drained (and that happens relatively fast for introverts when they must interact with strangers or groups of people for too long -- and too long is relative), we seek solitude, or the companionship of only those with whom we are close, to recharge.  It was a joy to finally understand myself and relax in who I am. Whether others understand or not is then less intimidating and hurtful, because I understand why they may think I'm different. However, it's okay to be an introvert.  Introverts have some very admirable qualities.  Those who do not understand have yet to appreciate who they are themselves.

If you have not come to understand your own temperament, my hope for you this year is that you will.  Your joy will increase when you feel comfortable and fulfilled in "your own skin," when you know the "direction your life is intended to go."

Here's a tip:  Get the book, INNERKINETICS - Your Blueprint to Happiness and Success, by Ray W. Lincoln.  It will be a great tool to help you understand others and yourself. (Use the coupon code IKKey for a discount).

The Joy of Watching Children Grow!

Some little girls (my granddaughters) gave me great delight recently.  I love being a grandmother. Nothing brings more joy than the excited greeting from them as they scream "Mema" and come running to greet me upon my arrival.  Is there a grandmother anywhere who does not love that?  I doubt it.

Two of my four granddaughters are SJs:  one is an ISTJ (same as me) and the other an ISFJ.  I observed some very SJ-like expressions of temperament in one of the SJs recently.

The ISFJ currently shares a room with her ISFP sister.  The SP  is all about what she is doing "in the moment" (typical of SPs) and when she is looking for something that she wants to play with or a costume she wants to wear, toys and things fly every which way as she goes in search of the sought-after item.  Once it is secured and while she is still "in the moment," she enters her world of play and continues until the next stimulation prompts the next search.  The SJ (13 months the SP's junior) entered their room after just such quest and, looking around, remarked, "This room is a wreck!"  She is very careful with her toys and treasures (also typical of SJs), so she was disturbed.

On another occasion, the SJ observed something her SP sister was doing — something she knew would not please their mom — and remarked, "Not a good decision."   I chuckle every time I remember the scene and hear those words in my memory as she expressed them.  Even at this young age, the drives of their temperaments are already finding very strong expression.

We must appreciate both the SJ and the SP for who they are.  Each has wonderful qualities that their InnerKinetics have provided.  The challenge for us is to help the SP express courage, for instance, as opposed to just "daring" (the difference being the wisdom and determination to do the right thing even when others are "daring" her to do the opposite when no one else is looking).  We must help the SJ to increase faith, avoid worry, and to remember to play and experience joy as well as be responsible.  The two temperaments can help each other as long as they appreciate each other's opposite strengths.

I love my little granddaughters and am joyfully watching them grow and develop into the wonderful, but very different persons that their Creator designed them to be.

Have you observed such temperament-specific strength displays in your children or grandchildren? Share them with us on I'M A KEEPER's FaceBook page.