"Looking Forward" Is Not Typical of an SJ

As an SJ, I typically rely on experience, tradition, and historical perspectives for guidance in my

The "Beginning" of a Colorful Year!

present.  We are not often considered to be "forward thinking" individuals, unless we are planning logistically.

However, when it comes to some of the tangible experiences that we SJs like to appreciate with our very much-used five senses (which we rely on to experience the world around us and gather information), looking ahead is sometimes absolutely necessary.  And looking forward requires a lot of faith and hope, also two qualities we are not known for. (Unfortunately, we have a tendency to be rather pessimistic.)

In the years since we moved into our current home, I have purchased native Colorado wildflower seeds to scatter near our home and bulbs to naturalize in the hope of adding some color and beauty to our view during the "flowering" seasons of our Rocky Mountain location.  It was necessary to purchase the seeds for the correct planting year, which required planning -- something SJs are known for.  It also required planting the seeds and bulbs in early November with the HOPE that we would have enough snow or rain in the spring to help them germinate. 

Snows increase my anticipation each May, which is when we hope to see the first flowers reach the point of revealing their splendor.

Ah, spring!  A season of sensual ecstasy for the gardener! My dad was a gardener and also an SJ. However, his gardening was of a more "practical" nature (so he said). He found no usefulness in a flower garden.  "One can't feed a family with flowers, so why use the time and effort to grow flowers?" he said.  You'd think he was a pragmatic NT, but he was the same type SJ that I am.  And he became just as excited over his cucumbers, beans, and tomatoes as I do over my flowers. 

When the first bluebirds return to our favorite hiking trail, I know spring will soon overtake winter and I can hardly wait until early May when I can fill my pots (the extent of our suburban town home "garden") with annuals to brighten our entry! (One "disadvantage" to living in the Rocky Mountains is you must wait until after Mother's Day to plant annuals or you risk a late frost killing them. Guess what I want — and get — for Mother's Day!  My plants to fill my pot garden!)  

Each year we spend many enjoyable days overlooking the grassy hill before us and enjoying the emergence of the wildflowers.  

This SJ "looks forward" to May!  June!  July!  August! September!  October!

Gardens exist to please the eye and soothe the soul.  ~Author unknown

DETAILS! ISTJs and Stagefright

Details can plague everyone in life.  If you are of another temperament (other than SJ), consider that

attention to details is one of the strengths of the SJ's temperament and that an SJ might be a real asset on your next project.

Maybe you're a creative NF who sees the "big picture."  You have the strengths to see the finished project, but how do you get from here to there.  Likewise, the SP is great at tactical, quick action decisions, but what about those that require logistics to accomplish projects that require a great deal of attention to detail?  Such tasks can surely take a lot of "fun" out of the present moment.  And the NT is very strategic, but would rather be the visionary and get the ball rolling.  The NT can count on the SJ to keep the ball rolling and on course.

However, while detail is a strength of the SJ, sometimes the other letters get in the way of the SJ's success.  Let me relate a case in point.

When I was in elementary school, there were "Interscholastic League" competitions.  Does anyone out there remember them?  Oh well, never mind. That probably dates me terribly.  During my third grade year, I was selected to compete in "Story Telling" because of my skill at hearing a story and retelling it with all the details so perfectly.  I had no problem at all in retelling a story to my classmates, parents, or whomever, and doing so exactly as my teacher had read it or told it to me.

Competition day arrived.  To this day, I can remember the feeling.  I suddenly realized that I would be retelling a story on a stage in a strange place in front of a lot of strangers.   As the story was read to the group of contestants, stage-fright set in.  When it came my time to retell the story, I had no clue what the story was about beyond the first scene.  I stood on stage, frozen at first, and then began to tell a story that began as all the other contestants had begun, but soon took a surprise direction and end as I somehow fabricated, from my imagination, a story I had never heard in order to suppress my total ignorance of the real one.  Needless to say, I did not win.

Furthermore, the entire experience was one of complete humiliation that "did a number" on my self-esteem.  I don't remember what I did after that, but I am sure it included some acting out.

What happened?  My "I" overpowered the other letters - even the "T."  Introverted SJs don't like to be in the spotlight unless they are in a very familiar setting and among familiar people.  I was traumatized by the episode.  I can remember the panic I felt to this day.  It made me extremely conscientious about getting the details right from there on.

Have you noticed that SJs (like me) tend to correct every detail when you are telling your story?  Well, don't be too hard on us.  We are hardwired to get the details right.  If traumatized by an experience like mine, they may be even more so.  Just laugh to yourself and try to appreciate how their attention to details can help you or your team reach your next goal.  It will be good for your team and for the SJ's self-esteem.  (And Ray, when you read this, I'll try to leave counting the wildlife completely to you next time.  LOL!)

The Miracles within CHANGE

Yesterday, with great reluctance, I dismantled the Christmas tree and packed away all the decorations.  Traditions are a huge part of the SJ’s world and Christmas has always been very special in my life, such a miracle is this season. 

As a kid, Mom recognized it’s importance to me.  She always had me assist with the decorations and when I was big enough to handle the task on my own, she turned it over to me.  

When we moved into our first BIG house, I added a second Christmas tree and began a tradition of having a crowd of friends over for a Christmas Tea (English “high tea” style) on a Sunday in December.  The traditions grew with each passing year until our move to New Zealand in 2005.  Traditions had to change then, of necessity.  Change and tradition seem to oppose each other, and that's exactly what happened then.

There must also be a moving beyond traditions like Christmas (although all the beauty, warmth, memories, and magic of sharing with family and friends during the holiday creates my reluctance). So, I have moved into the new year with the hope and anticipation of what this year will bring.   

Changes are taking place in our lives, as I am sure they are in yours as well.  That’s inevitable as long as we are alive.  Change happens constantly.  SJs dislike - or are very cautions about - change. Admittedly, it has been a challenge for me to adjust at times.  But change we must, and the best idea is to accept the changes and make sure they are changes for the better, aided by positive attitudes, growth to accommodate the changes, and an eagerness to see the miracles that the changes bring.

Yes!  I did say “miracles.”  Miracles are only recognized in hindsight, you know.  Therefore, with each change, and even in the apparent “calamities” you face this year, watch for the miracles that you’ll see when you look back on the experience.  When you anticipate the miracles, it’s much easier to adjust to the changes and struggles.  Let’s make it a “tradition” to welcome change and watch for the miracles they bring.

Sometimes "Easy" Just Requires Motivation

Easy!  When what I must do is “easy,” life seems easy.  However, some things are hard to do and, also, necessary.  It is often hard (especially for SJs) to learn new ways, new methods, new concepts, new skills.  We tend to retreat from “change” of just about any sort, but I have learned that it brings joy to progress from the “new” stage to the “easy” stage.  Have you ever noticed that everything is easy — when you know how?

Being a senior citizen in this age of high tech is daunting.  Even preschoolers can do things on a computer that I can’t seem to do, but “it’s easy when you know how.”  I must remember that.  Everyone has to begin somewhere, and beginning is the hard part.  You must begin so that you can progress to easy.

What have you wanted to do that you have never done because it was hard?  Did you want to learn to play a musical instrument?  What about develop your creativity through graphic arts of some sort -  oil painting, watercolor, etc?  Have you wanted to learn how to ride a horse?  Garden? Use a bow and arrows?  Do ceramics? Learn another language?

How much joy would it give you to find that what you have longed to do is “easy”?  

One Christmas past, at the request of my daughter, I created Christmas stockings for two little girls who she hoped to adopt as her own.  Nothing would have pleased me more than to fulfill that request for my own daughter.  

I know how to sew, but I had no pattern, no instructions, and wanted to created something unique for these very special little ones whose lives got off to a rough start.  I’m no artist, but I began.  I was pleased with the outcome.  However, had I not begun, there would have been no pleasure, no joy of accomplishment.  Because I tried and persevered through the task — planning the design, selecting the materials, figuring out each step as needed — I experienced the joy of granting my daughter’s request and the joy of giving to these precious children.  When the job was done, I found that it had, after all, been “easy.”  

Sometimes “easy” just requires the motivation to follow through.  The result is joy!

The Diamonds Outside My Window

A smile spreads across my face as I look outside my window.  The ground is covered in "diamond dust." Well, it might as well be real diamonds for the wealth I experience when I see it.  I've always enjoyed the clear skies after a fresh snowfall because of the glistening lights reflecting from the snowflakes that blanket the ground.  And then I recall...

A few years ago, Ray and I celebrated our birthdays (which are four days apart) in Leadville, Colorado at a restaurant that is in a yurt.  The experience required snowshoeing or cross country skiing to the yurt and out again.   Okay, so some of you don't find that idea appealing. But IT WAS FANTASTIC!

We went in during the daylight.  It was early in the snow season so we were fortunate to be the only diners that night.  We had the place to ourselves and our own private chef.  The food was great!

The most wonderful adventure was the trip out after dinner.  By that time, darkness had fallen, but the skies were clear and the moon was full.  If you've ever experienced a ski trail on a snowy, moonlit night, high in the Rocky Mountains, you have some idea what kind of magic we enjoyed!  The "diamonds" were glistening everywhere.  The ground, of course, held a thick blanket of snowy diamonds.  The fir and spruce trees were also laden with snow and their branches glistened as well.  It was wonderfully quiet as we shushed our way along the trail, enjoying the evening to its fullest extent, traveling through a wonderland of lights from moon, millions of stars, and the "diamonds" that adorned every surface.

It's fun to remember that experience.  It set me to thinking.  As an SJ, I thrilled to the experience from all the senses and experienced a feeling of luxury and wealth.

What would someone of the SP temperament enjoy from the experience?  Perhaps it would be an invitation to play and perhaps to race a partner to the destinations at each end of the trail.

What of an NT?  Would they relish the thoughts that they had as they considered how all this came to be and the scientific facts that produced such a display?

And then there's the NF experience.  I can see through the NF's eyes the beckoning of the lights to experience the romance, to wonder at what it must have been like for the early pioneers when this was a wilderness, and perhaps to ponder what would have been his or her own feelings as a pioneer in that day.  The NF would search for how those thoughts might give meaning to his or her life today.

Each temperament would find joy in the same experience, although each would enjoy it differently. The experience would produce emotions in each — different, but wonderful emotions!

What thoughts might you have and what emotions would the experience produce for you?

The Golden Rule Revisited

Any discussion of relationships, understanding, and emotional intelligence usually touches on the Golden Rule at some point.  Typically it is restated as “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  So what does that mean?

If I am an individual who loves to have people around me, go to parties and events where there are crowds of people and interact with perfect strangers readily, then I should treat others in a friendly, gregarious manner and as though they enjoy that too, right?  That’s the way I like to be treated!  

Well, if I do that, you know as well as I do that I’m apt to be avoided by some people and thought to be an “in your face” type of person.  So, how do I correctly interpret the Golden Rule?

Making an effort to think of the wishes of the other person is the first step.  But we really need to understand the other person to know how to treat them by this rule.

What I really want is for others to treat me “like I want to be treated.”  So, I need to treat others “like THEY want to be treated.”  Isn’t that a more accurate interpretation of the words?  I think that is what the Golden Rule really meant.  

This is where real emotional intelligence comes into play.  We need self-understanding as well as an understanding of others.  To honor our InnerKinetics (our core drives and urges that make us who we are) and their InnerKinetics is the essence of carrying out this rule.  We are all created wonderfully, but differently.  

So what’s this got to do with JOY?  Have you thought of what a joyful world this would be if everyone honored each other in this way?  I know this is idealistic, but so is world peace.  We all want world peace!  What better way to start than to honor every human being as a wonderful creation and treat them as they would want to be treated.  When others treat you like you want to be treated, does it not bring you joy?

How about setting a goal for each day to make an effort to understand one person of your choice to the extent that you can treat them with regard to one thing in the way they want to be treated.  One day, one person, one thing about them — understand and treat them according to how they want to be treated in regard to that one thing.   Treat them that way and share the results.

Go on now.  Go out and create joy!  For both of you!  I’d be willing to bet that it will give you joy to accomplish this, even if only for one day and one person.  And if you succeed, I KNOW it will bring that person joy.

At the Beginning and at the End of Each Day

Hanging on the wall in my husband's office is this small tile:

[In case it is difficult for your to read, it says:

Good Morning!

This is God. I will be handling all your problems today.  I will not need your help.  So, relax and have a good day.  - San Xavier - Tucson, Arizona]

It's a good reminder, particularly for those of us who are of the SJ temperament. We tend to worry — a lot.  It's good to have a reminder like this around — for ME!  I must remind myself often not to worry.

Jesus taught:
"... do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

And how much pleasure in life do we lose when we are worrying about things that never happen or things we cannot control?

If I work like it all depends on me and trust as though it all depends on God, everything turns out well.  It's true!  It's the trusting part that is the clincher, so listen up.

Here's Ray's followup to the inscription on that tile:

"Good Evening!
This is God.  Many of your problems did not turn out the way you wanted them to.  Search for the meaning and purpose in the way they did turn out.  
Good Night."
- Ray Lincoln -
Littleton, Colorado


So here's the trusting part.  When things don't work out as "I" had planned, I try to remember to look for the miracle.  Miracles are only identified in hindsight.  So if I am trusting the One to cares the most for my welfare, there WILL be a better outcome than the one I had in mind.  The outcome may even be miraculous!