Lighten Up, SJs!

As an SJ, we find ourselves oriented to the past and stingy with our trust, always carefully examining change, and slow to leap into the unfamiliar.  This often tends to reduce the joy in our lives.  

Since joy is such a needed “nutrient” to our health, it is my goal in this segment to introduce some things for all of us to consider (me, in particular) that I hope will increase the joy in our lives.

It’s April Fools' Day!  Some of my early thoughts in my waking moments were of possible April Fools pranks that I could play on Ray today.  As an SJ, I am less likely to “play” -- always being the serious, responsible, working “ox” in the pair.  (He works too -- VERY hard -- but he has a more "playful" way of going about it than I do.)  I really need to “work” at playing.  That’s a bad place to be in.  Though I long to have “silly times,” I tend to override them with responsibility.  

If you have SJ friends or are an SJ yourself, encourage the “sillies” in life.  We need to lighten up!  While all our responsibility and work ethic is a strength of this temperament, remember that “overuse” produces weakness.   ALL temperaments need joy!  What can you do today to bring JOY into your day?

Here is something that encourages JOY for me.  I hope it will bring some into your day as well.  Just try to watch without smiling!  I dare you!

Now, I’m going to go play a joke on Ray!

Is Your Spring Full of Weeds or Wishes?

Last week I saw the first dandelions near our Colorado home.  (Winter hangs around a little longer here than it does in my native Texas.)

What do you see when you look at this picture?

Is it a invasion to a beautiful lawn (read "weeds")?

Or is it an opportunity to grab one of those puff balls, blow on it and make a wish like you did when you were a kid?

It's a lot like looking at half a glass of water and asking whether it is half full or half empty.   Our answer says a lot about our mindset.

SJs tend to scrutinize things and attempt to "fix" things and make things orderly.  More often than not, we SJs would look at this picture and say, "Weeds!  Get the week killer.  They're invading the lawn and making our yard look uncared for."

An SP or NF, on the other hand, would be more likely to grab one and with glee blow the seeds everywhere, upsetting the caretaker SJ.  NTs might study the flower and the seed head carefully to determine the details of its reproductive cycle -- with no emotion evident.

I can be a little less distressed these days when I see dandelions since we don't have to do lawn care.  (Townhome living has its perks!)  So when I see these bright yellow "flowers," I smile at their sunny color that reminds me that summer IS coming -- soon.  And when I can blow a seed head with my granddaughters and make a wish, my "age" reduces significantly.

One of the things I try to do these days, however, is to remember to focus on the glass half full and choosing the joy of childhood wishes!  That mindset will give my days much more pleasure and that, in itself, is a wish come true.

The Blessing and Joy of Giving

Yes, it really is more blessed (a happy experience) to give than to receive — that is if you are giving out of love and care for the person you are gifting!  Just think about it: When you are giving out of love and care, you have the joy of thinking about the person and planning something that you hope will make their eyes light up or warm their heart.   Then you have the fun of finding that treasure you’ve been searching for, getting it “dressed” for presentation, anticipating the moment you can hand it off, and finally, experiencing the presentation of your expression of love.

The person who receives the gift gets “only” to receive that expression and enjoy the gift and the memory — still a nice experience, but not as great as the one experienced by the giver.

This is true of all temperaments, but each one performs the giving act in different ways.  Let’s examine:

The SP:  These are very generous people.   Generally very optimistic, they feel that resources abound and have no reservations about spreading the “joy” liberally.  They also like to do it with flare, pomp and circumstance, so their giving is often accompanied by some sort of “performance.”  The gift, as well as the method of presentation, may be extravagant.  If the recipient shows extreme delight and indicates that the SP has “made an impression,”  the SP will be delighted.

The SJ:  These folk give their gifts with care and much consideration.  Their desire is to find the “right” item for each person so that it suits the person’s needs as well as their desires.  Their gifts are likely to be of a more practical nature, but they will be the very best the giver can offer.  Sincere thanks and warm appreciation for the thought that went into the gift will reward the SJ for the effort expended.

The NT:  The gift will have to “make sense” to the NT as well as to the recipient (in the NT’s eyes).  If it makes sense to the NT, it is then dressed and presented in a manner that makes sense to the NT.  Even if it is extravagant, it might make sense — at least to the NT.  No-fuss expressions of thanks and confirmation of the well-thought-out selection is needed for the NT to feel satisfaction.  

The NF:  Their gifts are all about meaning and significance.   Their gifts are likely to have a “romantic” element when intended for a significant other or spouse.  If intended for a child, the NF will put as much meaning as possible into the gift and the giving, endeavoring to express the value of the relationship as well as they possibly can.  Warm hugs, smiles, loving looks, and kisses (where appropriate), along with generous verbal gratitude will assure the NF that they have indeed presented a meaningful expression of your love and care.

"Looking Forward" Is Not Typical of an SJ

As an SJ, I typically rely on experience, tradition, and historical perspectives for guidance in my

The "Beginning" of a Colorful Year!

present.  We are not often considered to be "forward thinking" individuals, unless we are planning logistically.

However, when it comes to some of the tangible experiences that we SJs like to appreciate with our very much-used five senses (which we rely on to experience the world around us and gather information), looking ahead is sometimes absolutely necessary.  And looking forward requires a lot of faith and hope, also two qualities we are not known for. (Unfortunately, we have a tendency to be rather pessimistic.)

In the years since we moved into our current home, I have purchased native Colorado wildflower seeds to scatter near our home and bulbs to naturalize in the hope of adding some color and beauty to our view during the "flowering" seasons of our Rocky Mountain location.  It was necessary to purchase the seeds for the correct planting year, which required planning -- something SJs are known for.  It also required planting the seeds and bulbs in early November with the HOPE that we would have enough snow or rain in the spring to help them germinate. 

Snows increase my anticipation each May, which is when we hope to see the first flowers reach the point of revealing their splendor.

Ah, spring!  A season of sensual ecstasy for the gardener! My dad was a gardener and also an SJ. However, his gardening was of a more "practical" nature (so he said). He found no usefulness in a flower garden.  "One can't feed a family with flowers, so why use the time and effort to grow flowers?" he said.  You'd think he was a pragmatic NT, but he was the same type SJ that I am.  And he became just as excited over his cucumbers, beans, and tomatoes as I do over my flowers. 

When the first bluebirds return to our favorite hiking trail, I know spring will soon overtake winter and I can hardly wait until early May when I can fill my pots (the extent of our suburban town home "garden") with annuals to brighten our entry! (One "disadvantage" to living in the Rocky Mountains is you must wait until after Mother's Day to plant annuals or you risk a late frost killing them. Guess what I want — and get — for Mother's Day!  My plants to fill my pot garden!)  

Each year we spend many enjoyable days overlooking the grassy hill before us and enjoying the emergence of the wildflowers.  

This SJ "looks forward" to May!  June!  July!  August! September!  October!

Gardens exist to please the eye and soothe the soul.  ~Author unknown

DETAILS! ISTJs and Stagefright

Details can plague everyone in life.  If you are of another temperament (other than SJ), consider that

attention to details is one of the strengths of the SJ's temperament and that an SJ might be a real asset on your next project.

Maybe you're a creative NF who sees the "big picture."  You have the strengths to see the finished project, but how do you get from here to there.  Likewise, the SP is great at tactical, quick action decisions, but what about those that require logistics to accomplish projects that require a great deal of attention to detail?  Such tasks can surely take a lot of "fun" out of the present moment.  And the NT is very strategic, but would rather be the visionary and get the ball rolling.  The NT can count on the SJ to keep the ball rolling and on course.

However, while detail is a strength of the SJ, sometimes the other letters get in the way of the SJ's success.  Let me relate a case in point.

When I was in elementary school, there were "Interscholastic League" competitions.  Does anyone out there remember them?  Oh well, never mind. That probably dates me terribly.  During my third grade year, I was selected to compete in "Story Telling" because of my skill at hearing a story and retelling it with all the details so perfectly.  I had no problem at all in retelling a story to my classmates, parents, or whomever, and doing so exactly as my teacher had read it or told it to me.

Competition day arrived.  To this day, I can remember the feeling.  I suddenly realized that I would be retelling a story on a stage in a strange place in front of a lot of strangers.   As the story was read to the group of contestants, stage-fright set in.  When it came my time to retell the story, I had no clue what the story was about beyond the first scene.  I stood on stage, frozen at first, and then began to tell a story that began as all the other contestants had begun, but soon took a surprise direction and end as I somehow fabricated, from my imagination, a story I had never heard in order to suppress my total ignorance of the real one.  Needless to say, I did not win.

Furthermore, the entire experience was one of complete humiliation that "did a number" on my self-esteem.  I don't remember what I did after that, but I am sure it included some acting out.

What happened?  My "I" overpowered the other letters - even the "T."  Introverted SJs don't like to be in the spotlight unless they are in a very familiar setting and among familiar people.  I was traumatized by the episode.  I can remember the panic I felt to this day.  It made me extremely conscientious about getting the details right from there on.

Have you noticed that SJs (like me) tend to correct every detail when you are telling your story?  Well, don't be too hard on us.  We are hardwired to get the details right.  If traumatized by an experience like mine, they may be even more so.  Just laugh to yourself and try to appreciate how their attention to details can help you or your team reach your next goal.  It will be good for your team and for the SJ's self-esteem.  (And Ray, when you read this, I'll try to leave counting the wildlife completely to you next time.  LOL!)

The Miracles within CHANGE

Yesterday, with great reluctance, I dismantled the Christmas tree and packed away all the decorations.  Traditions are a huge part of the SJ’s world and Christmas has always been very special in my life, such a miracle is this season. 

As a kid, Mom recognized it’s importance to me.  She always had me assist with the decorations and when I was big enough to handle the task on my own, she turned it over to me.  

When we moved into our first BIG house, I added a second Christmas tree and began a tradition of having a crowd of friends over for a Christmas Tea (English “high tea” style) on a Sunday in December.  The traditions grew with each passing year until our move to New Zealand in 2005.  Traditions had to change then, of necessity.  Change and tradition seem to oppose each other, and that's exactly what happened then.

There must also be a moving beyond traditions like Christmas (although all the beauty, warmth, memories, and magic of sharing with family and friends during the holiday creates my reluctance). So, I have moved into the new year with the hope and anticipation of what this year will bring.   

Changes are taking place in our lives, as I am sure they are in yours as well.  That’s inevitable as long as we are alive.  Change happens constantly.  SJs dislike - or are very cautions about - change. Admittedly, it has been a challenge for me to adjust at times.  But change we must, and the best idea is to accept the changes and make sure they are changes for the better, aided by positive attitudes, growth to accommodate the changes, and an eagerness to see the miracles that the changes bring.

Yes!  I did say “miracles.”  Miracles are only recognized in hindsight, you know.  Therefore, with each change, and even in the apparent “calamities” you face this year, watch for the miracles that you’ll see when you look back on the experience.  When you anticipate the miracles, it’s much easier to adjust to the changes and struggles.  Let’s make it a “tradition” to welcome change and watch for the miracles they bring.

Sometimes "Easy" Just Requires Motivation

Easy!  When what I must do is “easy,” life seems easy.  However, some things are hard to do and, also, necessary.  It is often hard (especially for SJs) to learn new ways, new methods, new concepts, new skills.  We tend to retreat from “change” of just about any sort, but I have learned that it brings joy to progress from the “new” stage to the “easy” stage.  Have you ever noticed that everything is easy — when you know how?

Being a senior citizen in this age of high tech is daunting.  Even preschoolers can do things on a computer that I can’t seem to do, but “it’s easy when you know how.”  I must remember that.  Everyone has to begin somewhere, and beginning is the hard part.  You must begin so that you can progress to easy.

What have you wanted to do that you have never done because it was hard?  Did you want to learn to play a musical instrument?  What about develop your creativity through graphic arts of some sort -  oil painting, watercolor, etc?  Have you wanted to learn how to ride a horse?  Garden? Use a bow and arrows?  Do ceramics? Learn another language?

How much joy would it give you to find that what you have longed to do is “easy”?  

One Christmas past, at the request of my daughter, I created Christmas stockings for two little girls who she hoped to adopt as her own.  Nothing would have pleased me more than to fulfill that request for my own daughter.  

I know how to sew, but I had no pattern, no instructions, and wanted to created something unique for these very special little ones whose lives got off to a rough start.  I’m no artist, but I began.  I was pleased with the outcome.  However, had I not begun, there would have been no pleasure, no joy of accomplishment.  Because I tried and persevered through the task — planning the design, selecting the materials, figuring out each step as needed — I experienced the joy of granting my daughter’s request and the joy of giving to these precious children.  When the job was done, I found that it had, after all, been “easy.”  

Sometimes “easy” just requires the motivation to follow through.  The result is joy!