If there is a rule, SJs “usually” follow that rule — even to the extent of following a lot of “non-rules.” You are probably very familiar with a lot of these non-rules and possibly follow them yourself without even thinking about them.
What non-rules could those be? There’s a cute new book that was just released called penquins can’t fly + 39 other rules that don’t exist. (Did you notice there are no capitals in the title?) In this provocative little book, jason kopecki (he doesn’t even use initial caps for his name on the front) urges us to overcome these “non-rules,” reminding us that “following the rules is an excellent way to fit in and avoid being questioned, laughed at or scorned. But it’s not a particularly effective way of living an amazing story.”
As an SJ, my urges are to follow rules, to fit in, to “lead by example” as a conformer to the “rules.” Without doubt, there are rules that are made for good reason and should be adhered to.
Adherence to rules and maintenance of order in society are SJ strengths. However, we tend to burden ourselves (and others) unnecessarily with rules that are really not rules at all but simply tendencies to “over conform” and impose “non-rules” on others. This is an overuse of our strengths, thus creating a weakness.
I love the sign (which you have probably seen many times) that I first saw in Jackson, Wyoming many years ago in a fudge shop: “Eat dessert first! Life is so uncertain.”
This is an example of breaking a “non-rule.” How many times have you been told you MUST eat dessert last! The reason: if you eat it first you won’t eat the food that will best nourish your body. That is a good reason for this “non-rule,” but sometimes it would be best to break that rule. Example: You are dining out and everything is so very good (and probably full of fat and calories)? Would that be a good time to break the rule? Consider: Is it better to 1) enjoy the meal and then add on that wonderful dessert; 2) try to guess your satiety point and stop there to add dessert, possibly departing the restaurant feeling a bit over full and having receive less enjoyment out of the wonderful dessert you had so looked forward to; or 3) eat dessert first and fully enjoy it, then eat what you feel like of the main meal and get a “to-go box” for what remains. You depart feeling very happily satisfied and comfortable, having totally enjoyed all of the meal you wanted and with “special food” ready to warm for a quick meal at another time. Hey! I like the last one, even if I am an SJ!
So, is it really necessary for your socks to match? Must we always “act our age?” (Jason Kotecki has labeled this “adultitis.” Clever!) He poses the question: How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? What age would you choose?
Here are a few of the “non-rules” he addresses in his book that I intend to try to “opt out” of:
- Thou shalt let others define thy success.
- Thou shalt clean thy plate.
- Thou shalt be realistic.
- Thou shalt hide thy weirdness.
- Thou shalt not be ridiculous.
- Thou shalt care what other people think.
- Thou shalt wait for permission.
- Thou shalt go it alone.
- Thou shalt always be careful.
- etc. #notarule
Thomas Edison’s genius came from breaking some non-rules. Where would we be without the man who said, “H_ _ _, there are no rules here. We’re trying to accomplish something.”
Best of all, I like Mark Twain’s instruction: “Life is short. Break the rules. And never regret anything that makes you smile.”
Have a joyful July and eliminate some “non-rules” from your agenda!
