You made it through the summer! The kids are back in school! You've survived and, perhaps, even had a roaringly memorable summer. But now there are all of the school activities, homework and struggles of dealing with schedules, social issues, teachers who don't 'get' your child, and more. What can you do to help your child make the most of his/her educational opportunities and enjoy his 'work?' Here's a list of five things you can do to optimize school for your child.
1) Know Your Child's Best Learning Mode/Environment
We are not talking here about what senses they learn best by using (hearing, seeing, feeling). We are talking more about environment. The more senses that are engaged, the more the child will learn. Typically, you will get instructions to make your child's home learning environment include a quiet setting (no music, TV or other distractions) with appropriate lighting, a comfortable desk and chair suited to the child's size and all of the tools (pens, pencils, rulers, etc) available for easy access as needed. That is well and good for most children, but one temperament struggles in school because they just are not 'wired' for this type of environment. They love movement. They are active and at their best when they are using their motor skills. They are also often recommended for testing for ADHD and ADD. But these kids just have a different way of learning. If you can challenge them by offers like an extra minute to shoot hoops for every point above 75 they get on their Algebra test or play catch with them while naming one of the 50 United States to earn another ball coming their way, they'll not only enjoy the homework, they'll make more effort and retain what they are learning better. Knowing how your child functions best is a key factor in helping them achieve anything!
2) Help Your Child by Helping His Teacher
We are not talking here about being a "room mother" or helping with school supplies and field day activities, although those will be appreciated. What we are talking about is helping your child's teacher to understand your child. Meeting with the teacher to share what you know about your child will help your teacher to help your child better. The teacher has 20 or more new people to get to know each year. They've spent years learning 'generalized' methods for teaching but, sadly, few of them understand temperament and know how to apply it in the classroom. If you have a sensitive NF, for instance, and you know that just a gentle kind word and a soft touch will win your child's heart for that teacher, encouraging more effort by your child to please the teacher, wouldn't that be a favor to both your child and the teacher? If you have an NT, for instance, who does not like emotional displays, to let the teacher know that would be a comfort to the teacher who may feel very uneasy around your child, and your child will respect the teacher and learn better from someone who "understands" his cool, calm and collected exterior. The teacher's correct interaction with your child can make the difference between how your child views his teacher and how successful the teacher will be in gaining cooperation from the child.
3) Know Your Child's 'Battery' Level
Most of the population are extroverts and thrive on interaction with other people and things. Their 'batteries' (understood as inner energy) are constantly recharged by people and things, so social aspects of school activities stimulate them. If an extrovert's battery is low (often indicated by grumpiness or clamoring for your attention) due to having spent two hours alone in their room doing homework, a break to participate in a little physical activity or to interact socially with family or friends can recharge them for continued absorption of what they are trying to learn. On the other hand, an introvert, whose battery is drained by interaction with people and who has been in the presence of people all day and has had to interact with them can jump into the car to go home and respond with great annoyance and irritability when you ask, "How was your day?" He's 'had it' with interacting with others and just wants some alone time. Your understanding and willingness to allow him that time to recharge by daydreaming, listening to music for 30-45 minutes, or whatever he might like to do to build up his reserves after a day with much social interaction, can give that child just what he needs to then happily and eagerly dive into his homework assignments. For some introverts, doing homework quietly and alone in their room is all they need to recharge.
4) Encourage Appropriate Levels of Extracurricular Activities
Extracurricular activities are good when participation allows for the needs of the individual child. It's okay to say "No." And it's okay to say "Yes." It's okay to encourage activities and it's okay to discourage them. The answer must not only be appropriate to the age of the child but also to the individual child who is to be involved. What is right for one child is not right for another. Socialization is important for all. Motor skills are important to all. There are many reasons for participation that are good. But which activity and the number of activities must be appropriate for the individual. Also, there must be adequate time for the child to do homework, participate in the family and just have some down time. Our society has evolved to expect that every moment must be filled with activity. That happens naturally, whether it is planned and 'participatory' or not. Boredom can produce a healthy exercise of one's imagination and creativity that otherwise will not be stimulated. Time to interact with family while everyone is still occupying the nest can produce a treasure trove of memories and opportunities for bonding that cannot otherwise develop. Cherish the family time and teach. Life will repay you for it. Over-scheduling is detrimental to your child's physical life, social life, and to your family. You will model for your child, so if you are over-scheduled, leaving inadequate time for rest, recreation, chores and family (not listed in any order of importance), it encourages your child to neglect what is important. Stress individual needs as well as setting priorities in order to help everyone determine what is appropriate.
5) Learn Each Child's Temperament to Optimize His Education and Development
If you have more than one child, you probably are keenly aware that they are not exactly alike. Same parents, same family, same upbringing, but...different. While everyone has similarities to others, each is different and that difference is chiefly determined by what we like to call our InnerKinetics (temperament). Those drives and urges are why we prefer different things, choose to respond differently to situations and are motivated by different factors. That's why there are no pat answers for parenting every child. However, if you follow the guide your child's temperament will provide, you'll have much greater success. Understand your child!
