Have you had this experience? When I was younger I did not like “who” I was. I was “different” — at least I felt that way. And to a certain extent it was true.
First, I’m an introvert — someone who recharges quietly with no one around or with only a few who are close friends or family. Only about twenty-five percent of the population are introverts. I definitely like my opportunities for solitude. Therefore, I did not have a lot of “girlfriends” like the girls who were extroverts. That made me feel like an “outsider.” I had just a very few close friends. Furthermore, I did not seek out the parties, but I was happy when I was included in the invitations. After all, SJs are a social temperament.
Second, I am a female "T" (thinker, rather than an "F" -- feeler). Since two-thirds of females are Fs, that meant I was paddling upstream, against the current of expectations. I never swooned over Evis or the Beatles, etc., (this reference dates me) although I was responsive “inside myself” to the music. As a teenager, it was difficult for me to understand what all the excitement was about. It didn’t make sense. (I can hear you laughing.)
Feeling different resulted in my rejecting who I really was and attempting to become like the mainstream of society — the extroverts and the female Fs. That really felt weird! What’s more, it resulted in my being irritable because it was like wearing clothes that didn’t fit. Can you identify?
It took many years and finding a wonderful life consultant (I just happen to have the good fortune to be married to the best) to discover who I was designed to be. Now that I better understand who I am, I can be more tolerant of others. I can detect the differences now and it makes me much more appreciative of their struggles and my own. I understand why those who are of a different type
(the Fs) don’t feel the same way about things as I do or don’t think the same way about something like those of my type (the Ts). Becoming more emotionally intelligent is creating a new world in relating to others.
Each temperament has its own struggles with their emotions. It is our emotions that fuel our strengths and drive us to accomplish what we are designed to achieve. I’ve learned that my emotions are perfectly crafted to help me be what I was designed to be. If I had the emotions of an E or an F, I would not be able to function well in my strengths. When I am engaged in tasks and activities and when I am performing a roll for which I was designed, it feels good. I feel “at home” — even when facing a challenge. That’s being “intelligently emotional” to a small degree. Joy is a great fuel! And I have joy when I am living in my strengths. It keeps me fueled and “ready for bear!”
Are you fully aware of your innerkinetics? Are you living in your strengths, or are you trying to wear “someone else’s clothes?”
